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Friday February 17th 2012, 9:46 pmDisjointed and incomplete, like I’m a rigid wooden block puzzle with the missing pieces laying around on the floor. And I don’t know how to put them in the right places. My mind is hazy, still not sleeping well from the stresses this past week. After missing so much time I had to get back to work today, although I really didn’t feel like it. Random things needed to be done, talking over the next Batwoman collected edition with editorial, worked out cover concept sketches, adding touches to the 4th draft to issue 11’s script, while thinking about the next page I have to draw for issue 12, answer email, write this blog. All of these should be exciting productive things to me, but none of it seems to be doing the trick. Don’t know what else I should be expecting in this aftermath. I tried to feel more upbeat with the creative distractions of work, I really did, but obviously to no avail. I hate feeling morose. I don’t want to wallow. Am I wallowing now? The process of life after sad events can be very confusing. There is no way to feel good about having to continue with the regular everyday tasks, even though I can rationalize that I have to do so. It makes me feel like I’m disrespecting the terrible incident that took place, the meaning of it, though deep down I know that isn’t true at all. Confusion is where I’m at today, knowing full well that things have to move forward, that really is the only option. Its just hard to take those steps.
Life Is Going On
February 17th 2012
4 Comments so far
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Thank you, Pam. I know what you’re saying. I feel I’ve always been a very motivated person, and so I wrestle with how poorly I’m feeling with having to do work. I really haven’t felt like working. So I think that is where my language has been coming from. Its been difficult. Especially having to be creative.
Comment by jhw3 02.20.12 @ 8:29 pmJ3 – I completely understand, and there’s no one I respect more artistically than you … but you’ve lost a member of your family and you need to process that ( I really hate the word ‘process’ but couldn’t find something better ). I honestly feel that art comes from a place deep inside us and it’s everything good and bad that we’ve felt or are feeling, both the good and the bad, and it all makes our art better – it’s a gift … you’ll know when it’s time to move forward, your art will tell you. Don’t rush it.
Comment by Pam 02.21.12 @ 7:55 amThank you, Pam. I agree, it’ll work itself out. Its just hard when there is a schedule to keep.
Comment by jhw3 02.22.12 @ 1:20 amLeave a Comment
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There’s a huge difference between “wallowing” and “dealing with”. Give yourself the time. Sincerely, you need to grieve, it’s a part of the loving.
Comment by Pam 02.20.12 @ 3:39 pm