2306152 Existence Is
A yearlong blog experiment...
Saturday September 22nd 2012, 8:01 pm
Ecch, just ecch and not much else more. Feeling terribly discouraged about work in progress today. Sort of in a depressed mood about it. I decided to shut off for a bit, do something altogether uncreative minded this day. Clean! Rubbing and scrubbing, wiping away smooth surfaces of their wrongful dusty layers and knocking down cobwebs that have threatened to take over the far corners of the house, working up a good sweat this warm afternoon doing so. Pushing the upright vacuum and pitching the hose under bookcases, ferreting out little multi-legged scurrying things that have attempted to roost. Little did they know disaster was imminent merely because one person’s off kilter day. Every now then this kinda of activity pumps the blood into new places of body and mind, clearing out the grime literally and metaphorically, illuminating through tiredness and mundane tedium the tidbits of flaws that live within the cracks and crannies. They don’t really go away, but sprucing them up, accepting their existence can have a cathartic aspect. So hopefully this will set me straight for tomorrow and I can get back to feeling proper about other tasks to be done.
Shifting The Dirt Around
September 22nd 2012
Friday September 21st 2012, 9:15 pm
Fussy isn’t a word I ever used to describe myself, well I guess that would depend on what the subject might be, or who you talk to. I’ve never been one for being fashion conscious, or wanting or looking for the perfect clothes, although I’ve always been aware of what in general looked good on me. I’d wear shorts in the dead of winter in public. Most occasions a t-shirt and jeans was fine, and still is for the most part, for a while though I did have a thing with unusual western style shirts, still kinda do, just don’t wear them as often. But I was always frustrated never being able to have jeans that I didn’t have to roll up to cuff the leg ends, big problem with being too damn short. I did feel that this could look clunky depending on the situation. This one thing alone probably kept me away from spending money on nicer clothes. I’ve never been one to go for suits and ties, and in most cases when I had to wear them I always felt uncomfortable. But lately I’ve come to realize some of that had to do with attitude and the types of fabrics involved and just how well something fit. Interestingly, over the past year I’ve become much more conscientious over wardrobe, maybe it has something to do with aging and feeling like I’ve come more into my own. Now I’m discovering custom suit making, never thought I’d be so caught up in this idea. Now I’m going to alterations places to hem up jeans that are too long. Feeling better about wearing nicer stuff. This week has been about that a bit. Getting my first custom suit this next week in time for public appearances. For some reason I’ve become much more self conscious about things, maybe vanity is setting in, trying to compensate for getting a little older, don’t know. Or maybe I’m feeling that my personality has matured in a way that requires an occasionally more sophisticated sensibility. Or maybe its the exposure I’ve had to good friend self style guru James Sime proprietor of Isotope Comics Lounge in San Francisco, who wears an amazing suit every day, even to the beach! As matter of fact, when Wendy and I started planning our twentieth anniversary re-marriage wedding event for next month, it was Mister Sime who suggested getting a custom made tux, which in turn lead me to wanting another customized suit, all by Artful Gentleman out of SF. When going through the process of picking fabrics and colors I was quite surprised at myself, at how much I enjoyed it all, never thought I’d have such an opinion on this sort of thing. It could easily become an obsession of style. So I guess I’d have to say, that yeah, I’m a little bit fussy now, but thats okay, it suits me.
Tailoring My Persona
September 21st 2012
Thursday September 20th 2012, 8:27 pm
Those jet black coiling snakes hiss into my mind, as they twist and curve along the page to form the very borders of everything else. Defining a more insidious reality, becoming stronger as the battle over the dark heart of the world takes center stage. Death comes as stone from flesh. But at the moment, its still only a rough impression of this, as I’m now living with this new concept for two days already and the basic line work is yet to be completed. Looks like another spread that will take four days or more to see the final black and white results.
Circles And Serpents
September 20th 2012
Wednesday September 19th 2012, 8:12 pm
A late start today. A change in routine is called for. Salty, savory, meaty, without being overwhelming, rolled into the soft delicate texture of homemade corn tortillas. Topped with flecks of cilantro and crunchy white onions. The robust shredded beef is perfectly tender. Then sparked by a touch of fresh squeezed lime to top off the ingredients collaboration, giving that slightly exotic aspect. There is something exquisite about this very simple mix of flavors, a least to me. The tastes impact my senses and wake me up. Invigorating the atmosphere and my attitude to properly tackle the day’s drawing tasks of a circular design set against coiling black serpents.
Tacos For Breakfast
September 19th 2012
Tuesday September 18th 2012, 9:52 pm
Whats that saying about “best laid plans”? Fretting over the balance compositionally of black and white, thinking about where to place dialogue and captions strategically without losing the integrity of that very fine balance. I found myself staring at the two page spread trying to solve the vague puzzle of it in my head. Attempting to make decisions without really knowing what the final product will look like when all of the pieces are in place doesn’t bode well for peace of mind. I finally got these two pages done much after when I needed to. Only after an awkward day all around as touch ups didn’t get done quickly because of analyzation of the piece’s balance had me taken aback. I easily spent a good half hour in internal brow furrowing debate, tapping my foot fervently. Having settled on an action, I do hope its now solved satisfactorily, I won’t know for sure until I can’t really do anything about it anymore. There is a certain kind of frustration this brings, I don’t like that feeling of uncertainty. But then its on to the next pages, the next set of problems to solve, or hopefully to do so, and hopefully with much less mood altering scenarios. Stop, breathe, and think. The day ended perfectly as hearing from a friend changed my mood greatly into something less prickly, hearing his giddiness come through the phone so bombastically full of happy energy, how could it not change my vibe. And in part I felt I contributed in some small way, slightly facilitating his experience that he now recounted to me so enthusiastically. I managed to connect him with Chris Stein of Blondie at a show recently, Chris is such a cool generous guy, and so he got to have a very personal one on one experience with Chris and Debbie Harry for about forty minutes on their tour bus. It really made his week beyond any real measure, as they’re his favorite band, and getting that kind of experience is certainly a rare thing for many people. Such a pleasure to hear his voice loaded with blissful reminiscing of the night. It really made my day hear his smile.
At The Edge Of Happy
September 18th 2012
Monday September 17th 2012, 9:00 pm
Monstrously it teases me, another nine hours spent diligently toiling way. This is now day four’s end, the day is done, having paused only for a writing phone session and a single business call to take me away from my task. Yes, the day is done, and yet, the page is not. Fine tuning details across the spread are still unfinished. Only a little more to go, but I’m quite tired now, will have to wrap it up in the morning. Living with it like this, I hope doesn’t mean it will disturb my dreams.
The Art Is Long
September 17th 2012
Sunday September 16th 2012, 7:26 pm
Been working at this spread for three days now, still another day on it for certain, but my brain is melting away. Hand is fatigued from the line and brush work. Every so often an illustration will just knock me out, exhausting thought processes, like a hard drive that can’t keep up with the memory output. Everything hazes and becomes low res to the point of flatlining.
I Need A Reboot Please
September 16th 2012
Saturday September 15th 2012, 8:57 pm
Neatly tightly packed into a relatively small round ruffled paper. Enticingly rising up over the edge sits a luscious mound of delightful goodness, its deep thick but squishy darkness beckons. Moist at it’s center, teasing the tongue with mouth watering rich robustness and earthy sweet, it delicately crumbles slightly around it’s outer layer, but even those tidbits are too scrumptious to leave behind. All too quickly devoured, eager for another, but best left for another treat tomorrow.
Mmmm…Chocolate Muffin
September 15th 2012
Friday September 14th 2012, 8:16 pm
Argh! is what I say today, well… really something much less pleasant. Struggling with the damn tremor, while trying to illustrate small things. Which leads to serious hand fatigue, that in turn makes the damn tremor worse, and so I have to fight it even further, turning into nothing but a vicious circle of aggravation. I feel like I’m in a war with my own body and losing to stiffness and pain. It causes me to have to do things very slowly, makes me agitated, as I have to get this stuff done and quickly running out of time. Its really a problem that I deal with pretty much everyday, but some days are worse than others. And some days, like today, my temper flares way up from lack of patience and I catch myself cussing loudly to the paper and pens, emotionally overheated, developing a piss-poor attitude.
Losing My Cool
September 14th 2012
Thursday September 13th 2012, 9:03 pm
Beastly, roaring with a voice made of gravel, the scaly hide thick and armored for war, too tough like cracked granite. A heap of muscle and ferociousness, a toothy maw like a steel trap lined with blades. The tail whipping around crushing bones, rending flesh. What could be called a brow holding ten piercing eyes of cold deathly stares, primitive and devoid of any connection to humanity.
Drawing The Mutated Killer Croc
September 13th 2012
Wednesday September 12th 2012, 11:38 pm
Each overly warm summer sees a thriving, stretching outward, in bundles of thin long fervent greens with tiny palest pastel blue bursts popping from each tip. Pushing in all directions boldly, like shooting firework stars of organic brightness. Wildly it demands more attention, attempting to dominate and strangle out its rooted companions. It seems to do so willfully, antagonistically, as if it wishes to be purposefully unfriendly while showing off its simple beauty, taking over territory, commanding presence. I have no idea what it is exactly, but I do find it to be attractively adorning the corner of the yard near our entrance, but it frustrates as well because of its blatant disregard for its neighbors, forcing us to yank its choking wrapping tendrils out from the branches of the other plants on a regular basis. When thinking about plants, one generally thinks of tranquility and docility in the idea of them, not of some possibly having a hostility to its surrounding living brethren.
The Attitudes Of Foliage
September 12th 2012
Tuesday September 11th 2012, 9:04 pm
Rustling faintly through my sound memories is the dreaming of songs blasting off amps to pump our blood with adrenaline. But that is only trickles now, fading into cherished thoughts. The energy was so high last night that it was intoxicating, not being able hit the sheets until 5am. So today, while working on new script material, I’m only ebbing.
A Come Down
September 11th 2012
Tuesday September 11th 2012, 3:55 am
Hustling to get out the door, facing down wandering highway traffic amid one numerous road construction site after another, Wendy and I biting our tongues to keep from spouting too many profanities at the other idiots whizzing along besides ourselves, dare I say added to the excitement of knowing what this evening brought. And annoyingly certain hours heading into San Francisco are usually fraught with perilous driving adventure and tensions. But when we see that familiar beckoning Bay Bridge looming ahead we know that we’re almost to a place of good times. All set to meet up with friends, James Sime, Kirsten Baldock, and Victor Scaggs, other notoriously affectionately called, like myself, Debheads. But the term really means enormous Blondie fan. After a quick grab of some food, we head to over to the Warfield and get in the will call line, for those who might not know what that refers to, its for invited guests of the band. The show was a total roar, booming beats, sharp guitars, brilliant lighting, and that oh so exquisite Debbie Harry voice. A blur of overcrowded floors, stuffy hot air, a few roughshod pit mongers having to get thrown out, moving along to the soundtrack of a thrumming elevation. After the lights sadly came back up, we got the luxury of hanging with the band for about 30 minutes or so. A highlight was signing a copy of Batwoman: Hydrology to guiatrist/song writer Chris Stein upon his request. And whirlwind conversations about art and music, loose vague notions of ideas for the package art I’m set to do for them down the road for the next release, getting to meet the producer, and talking with Debbie for about 10 minutes kinda put our day way over the top. With the reveal of my art for The Sword album taking place today as well, its really an amazing convergence of time and space for my love of music. Now back home at 3:30am coming down of what I can only say is…
A Blondie High
September 10th 2012
Monday September 10th 2012, 2:32 am
Slippage of thoughtfulness, of mind’s clarity into evaporation. Drifting away along the soft night currents of our home’s atmosphere, with the faintly played audio lushness of Legba & Sons floating through like a delicate smoke. Only now, much late into wee hours of the morning do I realize that something is missing. How is it possible to let something go that has been my daily routine every day since the beginning of the year?
This Forgotten Blog
September 9th 2012
Saturday September 08th 2012, 7:05 pm
Black as jet, the sheen glistens reflectively allowing the colors of the surroundings to darkly live on the surface, simulations of a shadowed mirror. Electric cobalt lights glow intently giving off this ultra cool slick gadgetry idea, as if it were meant to be some important component belonging inside a futuristic cockpit of some magnificently designed vehicle technology. An illusion to create an oh so much loftier vision than it’s true purpose. Its funny how electronics today rely on visual presentation to sell us on their forward thinking viability, design going well beyond any real substance of quality. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure this new snazzy device will serve its job very well, but really, the whole space age aesthetic it wears is rather ludicrous. Its just another magic box, right?
Our New HD DVR System
September 8th 2012
Friday September 07th 2012, 8:05 pm
Sorely in need of a breather, and with our scheduling of a dvr upgrade for tomorrow, we thought it best to try and watch a few things that have been sitting patiently waiting for our attention. Ended up choosing a film that turns out to be perfect for wanting to drift and keep things low, but yet psychologically engaging. The exquisite easy pacing set in rural Italy was mesmerizing. There is a grandness and grace to the scenes without feeling like its trying to tell an epic. A kind of romantic isolation takes effect, without being woeful or over dramatized. Certainly makes one want to go there to fully take in the leisurely atmosphere of the locales, dreamy and calming. But smartly counterbalanced by a violent undercurrent, pensive and subtle nuanced characterization, a man living a life of extremes within a landscape of beauty, his paranoia thoroughly warranted. But sadly, he seemed to not really see the beauty around him most of the time because he is forced to live with the ugliness of the dark side of humanity, a dealer of death, a killer hunted by killers. And then when he finally he realizes some truth about what life truly can offer, its snatched away from him, like a quiet cruel joke. Its definitely a haunting story with a deceivingly simple plot, but one that becomes more complex the further its examined in it’s metaphors. And like I said, the pace and ease perfectly suited my mindset today.
The American
September 7th 2012
Thursday September 06th 2012, 9:54 pm
An unquelled burning deep down and low, twinges of sharpness. Ever have weird minor ailments that come along, even though you’ve not done anything different in your routine for quite some time? But then they vanish, and just as quickly forgotten? From time to time I have this sort of thing occur, and I wouldn’t be surprised if this happens to a lot us, be it this or that, each of us having weird temporary off kilter things that defy a proper explanation. Right now and for the last few days I’ve this heartburn sensation in my lower gut, not sure from what, and its not all that unfamiliar an experience. Even though I’ve not altered my diet, and rarely do, sometimes I’ll get this problem for a few days and then it’ll go away as mysteriously as what brought it on. I think maybe last time I’ve had this same sensation it was at least over a year ago. It would make sense if I’d changed something up, or had a spicy meal, but nope. Not the most fascinating of topics I’m certain, but I find this amusing devoting a few minutes of my time to jot this down for posterity, sharing the turmoils of my intestinal track with the world. So I’ve taken some Pepcid. Probably considered too much information, yeah?
Gut Fire
September 6th 2012
Wednesday September 05th 2012, 8:22 pm
Up close, almost an invasion feeling of personal space. I’m sitting on the ground cross-legged indian style. I can’t really make out what is around me at all, just that it feels bright and drably colored, all of my focus is on someone sitting directly across from me much too closely. I can’t say for certain who this person is but they look a lot like a middle-aged Dick Clark, wearing an extremely pale grey suit, black tie and white shirt. I’m interacting with him in the only way I know how to equate, a sort of message therapy session, as if I’m the therapist. But its a very strange action being performed, with only my fingers I’m making these very rapid but very delicate gestures across his face, like flittering light movements that sort of push the air around his head, his brown hair gently moving from the manufactured breezy motion of my hands. I’m running my fingers across his eyes as he blinks quickly and repetitively, my hands moving as fast as they can, from the inner areas of his face outward. His eyes are intently focused on me and he is grinning incessantly not saying a word. Then I can hear Wendy’s voice, as if she is off to one side just out of my range of vision saying, “You should stop now, he is becoming overwhelmed from the treatment.” But I continue with what I’m doing only for a brief moment longer then this man suddenly is laying face down on the ground fully stretched out, no care for his fine pale grey suit, and has begun to just laugh, the laughing goes on and on as if he can’t control his reaction.
Time and space shifts. I find myself driving along a highway or road at dusk. I pass what looks like a giant refrigerator the size of maybe a three story building, but it has slightly blue tinted glass doors. I can see lights are on inside and there are large shelves of what looks like rows of pre-made milkshakes in tall plastic cups with straws rising from the lids, all in a variety of simple colors or flavors. As I’m driving along I see another building exactly the same, another glass refrigerator. But this time I decide to stop. I open the giant glass fridge door but somehow the shelves are now more my size and I’m stepping inside. I’m trying to decide which flavors to choose, thinking about which one I should get for Wendy, who isn’t with me, but I seem to have the intent to bring one to her. There is chocolate and vanilla, these seem to be the only choices, rows of these pre-made milkshakes in just these two flavors. But then I glance to the side of me and there is a long lushly polished wooden counter with stools for seats, it looks like a bar that would serve alcohol, all is dimly lit in warm tones. On the other side of this bar counter there are rows of gleaming glass bottles and silver pull handles like you might see for beer taps lining the back wall. There is an older woman standing there, she’s slightly heavyset with warm medium length brown hair and round brown eyes, wearing a pale cream colored sleeveless shirt. Her skin has an orangy tan complexion. She is looking at me somewhat without expression. She speaks “Try this flavor, maybe its better.” as she hands me a milkshake that is light creamy green with dark flecks, a mint-chip shake.
Sleeping Visions From Another Dimension 8
September 5th 2012
Tuesday September 04th 2012, 8:09 pm
Images and stories so vividly full of life, a detailed color lushness of a simple beauty that memorizes the mind as well as sight. And always uniquely pushing an intangible sense of wonder. Other worlds that seem to exist just out of the corner of our eyes, but yet sweetly captured in moving illustrations that charm you into happiness, as if he has been chosen to show us these miraculous alternate realities of joy and adventure as only he sees them. There is something utterly unlike any others of a similar nature in the way the stories impact the heart and mind, its a particular kind of magic. I’ve seen plenty of animated films and have enjoyed them very much, but the films produced by this creator touch me in such a soulful manner, really no others seem to quite have that same reach, at least for me.
Master Storyteller Hayao Miyazaki
September 4th 2012
Monday September 03rd 2012, 8:56 pm
Eh… ugh and blah and ugh again. Been feeling this for about a good week now. I don’t why, but sometimes I just get in these ruts of having what I call the blahs. And its really damn annoying. Puts me on edge, with angst, that I’m sure emanates in waves around me. Antsy nervous energy but no real energy, sort of a will sapping effect. Never good when I have too much to do in front of me. Somewhat unsurprisingly it causes me to have almost zero patience. I end up just wanting to get things done, out of the way, but then have no gumption to get to it. Times like this I just want everything to shut off for awhile. So there you have it, wasn’t that a joy to read? Entirely too many posts like these, but I suppose its not always going to be rainbows and sunshine, this blog was created to put something with emotional honesty in it of my daily experience out into the world, and sometimes I guess that means crap like this gets vomited. If I still feel this way tomorrow I promise not bother anyone with it. I guess I should’ve done that today, yes?
A Morose Road Is Long One
September 3rd 2012
Sunday September 02nd 2012, 9:25 pm
Black, plush, comforting. Smooth and fitting snuggly, I can lean back tuck my arms behind my head, and resonate a feeling of I’m in charge, I’m the captain of this ship. They vaguely do remind of something out of Star Trek. They’re desperately needed to replace the purple ones that vigilantly stood at constant ready attention, but unfortunately they’d become weathered and tired, it was time for them to take that final rest from a long duty of faithful service to which we accepted with the utmost gratitude. But when first taking a seat upon these new slick sharp jet black pleather with a slight silver grey accent work companions, I was profoundly surprised at just how comfortable they were. Now realizing just how uncomfortable I had been. So even though it was time to decide that we had to let the aged ones go, I can’t but be happy with the new fresh recruits.
Goodbye My Purple Office Chairs
September 2nd 2012
Sunday September 02nd 2012, 3:38 am
Woken at 4am by an annoyingly howling cat, blearily put him out the door.
Eggs, orange, walnuts and almonds.
Figuring out drawing problems.
Headache oppressing my brain into a fuzzy mess.
Fighting the shakes while sketching a page design.
Bad arguments, partly from stress.
Upset for a bit, I can feel my brow is furrowed, scowling.
Endearingly asked to drink my coffee.
I’m sorry.
Wendy helping me solve more drawing and script problems, somewhat satisfied now with the result, good objectiveness.
Flipping through Further Adventures Of Indiana Jones Omnibus, fun.
Rushing to get ready.
Can’t decide what shirt looks best with my shorts, I fret about this too much.
Off to meet the Triggs for dinner, some of our all time favorite people.
Christina can’t make it, she’s a nurse dealing with a crazy person.
Awesome conversation with Josh while enraptured by Tandoori chicken and nann.
Deliberations on dessert choices for 10 minutes, I’m terrible at simple decisions and will avoid.
Mmmm… chocolate muffin!
Josh and I oohing and awing about the Daredevil IDW Artist Edition, and Doug Wildey’s Rio.
Christina finally arrives with an insane story about delusional administrators and cops.
Ruminations on work concerns, and needing to set a time to co-write on a screenplay.
3:30am and writing this blog, so technically the first one of the month is late.
Thats It!
September 1st 2012
Friday August 31st 2012, 7:57 pm
Illusions, or better yet, delusions. Thats what I experience when thinking about my own appearance. And I suspect many of us do, there was a good brief example of this in a recent episode of Louie, very enlightening. I’ve been having to mull over publicity photos, having to make a choice. And I’m not happy with any of the choices in front of me, its not that they are bad photos, quite the opposite really. I just don’t feel like any of them represent me visually, but in reality it has more to do with I just don’t fully comprehend what I look like. And like I was saying, more than likely many of us experience this effect, even though we all look in the mirror daily. Somehow even that visage is colored by the perceptions that we have of ourselves, impacting our own sense of identity. I always have this experience when seeing photos of myself, feeling like its not really me I’m seeing, or tend to internally ask myself is that what I really look like. And in most instances I’m disappointed.
Vanity Pushing On Identity
August 31st 2012
Thursday August 30th 2012, 8:14 pm
Feeling wishy washy as today has this oddly off kilter sensation, have no idea why, even feel creatively uninspired. Some days are just like that around here. Causes me to sort of be unenthused to follow through with the scheduled day, peculiar. But somehow a prediction of what the result is. Had to rush out the door to get some more tat work done, but something inside me just wasn’t feeling it, mentally not there this time. So Wendy and I go in, and coincidentally it turns out I’m not quite healed up enough from the last session. I find this interesting that it worked out that way considering how I was just sort of blah about the process today. It raises the question in my mind that maybe its possible that somehow intuitively I knew it wasn’t the right time, that somehow the vibes in reality were connecting with my subconscious, giving me insight that I couldn’t see outwardly.
Happenstance
August 30th 2012
Wednesday August 29th 2012, 8:34 pm
Smart devices, smart people, smartly equipped. Something that I know would take me bloody forever, if ever, is solved in only minutes. The digital voodoo man is always giddy with excitement over helping us reach further into the here and now of the computer future, especially anything involving a Mac. It truly is almost like magic, his almost impenetrable knowledge is mystifying. Everything he’s done for us is so wonderfully kind. Honestly wouldn’t know what to do if we didn’t have his astounding assistance. His insight has saved me from doom on more than one occasion with technical advice and help. Unfortunately for him we’ve come to depend on his expertise quite firmly now, but he always makes us feel that there is no imposition. Fortunately for us we have him, a bit of an unfair trade off in our favor. Everyone who has a computer should have someone like him who knows all of the digital secrets that evade us tech novices, so we’re eternally grateful for our friend. Thank you.
Ubence, Digital Voodoo Wizard
August 29th 2012